End of the Quarter Personal Abstract of my Life (EPAL)

And its time that I get my blog to myself again. English 110 has taken its space but I do not consider writing another blog post as I have reached my quota. I plan on returning to my regular blogging, so if anyone feels obliged to remove themselves from my blog list please do so. I will not notice or take offense. That said my first blog will be about how this quarter seemed to be one of falling standards and bitter conflicts.

The first one unnaturally enough was incited by English 110. I have never taken a long term structured course and the anomalies of the same language in the United States presented challenges different from the ones I am used to. I must say that I am happy that the course is over, but also happy that it has imparted me with an appreciation of the writing style in this country. Standards also fell to an extent academically as I seem to be losing the idealism that had buoyed me in the beginning of my American Saga. The prospect that this “adventure” is growing old is frightening. The mistake I seem to be making is that I am failing to notice the wide range of change that happens to my life every day.

The positive of this quarter were primarily two folds. I have discovered a most luxurious retreat in “the Gutter”. To the uninformed it does live up to its name in the weekend mornings. Else time it hosts some of the more efficacious and engaging bunch in Taylor. The second positive is meeting a person of importance in my life. While our meeting was a windfall and has a rocky road I am confident that it will have a far longer and happier story. A certain unexpected addition at the end was meeting up with someone from the earlier quarter. I have grown to realize that we share more in common than I presumed last quarter. That too has an interesting journey ahead.

The failures this quarter were fewer but more substantial. The worst was certainly on Saturday, 12^th of November. I let myself be swept away by impulsiveness and made extremely stupid decisions. I find this embarrassing and troubling since I always try to set a high standard for myself. I am human and so I suppose the best I can do now is accept failures and make sure they never repeat themselves. I certainly hope others are more forgiving as I am to myself. That would be unrealistically awesome. I apparently must also:

1.       1. Stop Judging, prethinking and demeaning others at least directly and hurtfully

2.       2. Start consider just being myself instead of posturing to try to please certain people

The latter I do subconsciously but I can affect if I really want to.

As of now I will determine that the next quarter will be significantly better than this one. I will probably return to the personality I was at the beginning of this quarter. It reflected happiness, confidence, care and a dash of dare/ cockiness in a good measure. That is my quarterly resolve and this was my abstract for the winter.

Blog 68: Something that scares me

Every person has a shell. Without this shell, one cannot live. It protects us from the outside, the people, the environment and most importantly, the society we live in. But the shell is special. It covers us outside. It can protect us from anything we want. But the one thing that the shell can’t protect us from is the most dangerous of all of them. The shell can’t protect us from ourselves.

This shell appears when someone lies to themselves. It hides its feelings, torments itself and manages to cover their true form. The reasons for doing so are endless. Nonetheless, the shell begins to grow. Think of it like mould. The more something rots or goes bad, the more the mould grows. It’s the same with the shell. The lies and the secrets build up. As does the shell. But one needs to ask themselves this. How can one break out of their shell? Is it possible?

So my fear is pretty self evidentiary. I am afraid of not being myself. Throughout society we are asked to conform and do what is done everywhere. Yet it is our individual differences that make us worth more. Without our differences we do not bring in the fresh perspectives that make solutions and ideas more dynamic. I am always afraid of conforming to expectations set by others. Again there is a fine difference between adjusting to be not hurtful and adjusting to suit external stimuli. I hope I have enough judgment to distinguish between the two and do the former over the latter.  

Blog 64: The biggest mistake I ever made

The biggest mistake I ever made was trusting someone too much. This is going to be a ranting room for the next 235 words so here we go. I am a happy person. I consider myself an optimist and a realist. I like to make people happy and it naturally helps to trust people. In this way I can create positive vibe and a fun surrounding which I adore.

So I met this person once, a long time ago, who I thought was rather interesting. The more I got to know the person, the more I got a feeling that they were lost and needed good company. I failed quite a few times and I took that as my fault. I thought I could actually help someone and when I became emotionally attached those failures hurt. So I tried to detach myself and that worked partially but the emotion was always there. I did not realize that I was the person changing more than anyone else. I was becoming different to suit someone else. I was being mean to good people because I felt envious of them.

But the most important thing was that I trusted this person to use common sense; to not jump from one guy to another as quickly as   Paris Hilton moving from Prada to Gucci. So when I realized that she had done the switch faster than Hilton ever could, I was more than a little shocked. I did the first good thing I could, I apologized to the people I was mean to. I do not think I am going to stop trusting people but I will have to change my understanding of certain types of people. I made a mistake but I can write about it. In times like this I am glad that I have the friends I can lean on. It makes mistakes so much easier to live with.

Blog 63: My best friend

My best friend was someone I met in the second grade. He was a pretty cool guy though a little on the introverted side. What probably drew me to him was that I being new to the school seemed attracted to the least intimidating person. He was just that and as I got to know him more than others I discovered something amazing about his personality. I figured the reason he was so withdrawn and different was that he was pretty mature for a nine year old. It was a little hard being his friend though. We were kids and in our immaturity we often demanded or had to make unreasonable demands of ourselves. Clearly, my other friends thought I was crazy for spending so much time with him and told me to either choose them or him.

I did not like this and I chose to do neither. I became less friendly with him but did not get completely gung ho with my others friends. In a way I was kinda trying to send them a message. The eventually realized I was serious and just let it drop. My friend did teach me some things that are important to me till date. Most important amongst them is to always try to be happy. Being positive is very important even and especially when everything seems to be going against you. He also taught me to take inspiration from others. The best example of this is how I always try to read about people and their achievements. I realize that if others can so can I.

Blog 61: Guess the right one

I am an international student from India who studies at the Ohio State University. I’m a computer science engineer with a love for robots. Unlike many computer geeks, I do not love robots more than human. That’s probably because as a kid I read a lot of Isaac Asimov novels. They taught me to appreciate human ingenuity and our emotions. I love robots because they are unswervingly loyal, but disloyalty is a human nature too and so I must accept it.

 I was part of a delegation of students from my country to an international form in Japan. We got to meet heads of states and we were part of a grueling debate and presentation on the world food crisis. I love to fight and the debate provided me with a perfect opportunity to do just that.  It was an extremely intense experience but my team pulled through. We also had a cultural presentation where we bagged the first place. All in all it was an amazing conference.

I love super smash bros. I have been playing it like forever and I absolutely adore Yoshi. I am pretty good at that game. Once when I played a girl I like she started hating me just for beating her on the game. So I decided to tone it down and fake losing. I don’t know if it was worth it because she seems unsure of what to do with relationships right now. I’ll give her some time to decide but she definitely owes me for  not letting me win.

Blog 60: Word

The word eclectic is an amazing word because its use is so varied just as its description. Basically it means deriving ideas, styles and fashion from many different sources, regions and places. Eclectic is something I try to live by. Eclectic is awesome because it is unpredictable diverse and different every time. It challenges you to think differently accept realities that you would never have thought possible. A simple example of being eclectic is learning new languages, cultures and trying new foods. I love travel and meeting new people and learning about their different problems, ideas and lives. When you learn all this bring them together to  one melting point and draw open the ideas from them as and when necessary.

Eclecticism isn’t something newly respected in the world. Diversity has been stressed in the work environment for a very long time. Eclectic adds an extra dimension to diversity by stressing that the diverse atmosphere should actually do something. Essentially, eclectic means putting diversity to work. Oxford defines eclectic as a form of ideating or philosophy that draws inspiration from multi sources. If you look at the world today you will find that this is a hard fact. Essentially eclecticism is the right way a world should work. There is never any one right way to do something. Most ideas need to come together in a fusion and form a cohesive action.

Eclectics understand and respect this. They do not close their minds but rather try to accept and understand all the options before making an informed decision.

Blog 58:Major

My major is computer science and engineering and I do love it. I know quite a few engineers who absolutely hate the math or science in their engineering class but I do not. I love learning and being able to do these hard problems because I just like them. I chose computer sciences because I like math and computers ever since I was a kid. Computers are used in every implementation in the modern world and demand for people in this major ig not going to reduce anytime soon.

Computer science evolves a lot of abstract visualizations which I adore. The classes though are largely mundane. Engineering is in itself very intense and computer science integrated with it makes it a very demanding course load. My primary focus of major will be artificial intelligence in computing. I believe computers can be made smart with a program. The computer science engineering course is significantly harder than the plain arts and sciences departments offering of CIS. I still like it because it makes me think considerably hard and improves my programming skill. I like solving difficult problems and that is exactly what I do in computer science.

Programming is fun because in a few short hours, I can create by myself something new that I can play with. Its one of those few things in life which are amazingly easy to make and play with for people of any age and at any place. Programs are my instructions to a super fast machine and once I am done with it, I just let the machine do all the work.